I came across a note from school penned in my loopy twelve year old hand. I read, ” when I grow up…” Lets just say this note was the last time these job titles were any ware close to my name.
I enjoy my job very much and I happen to be very good at it, but truth be told It is not what I ever imagined myself doing at 30. I had visions of teaching, or traveling, writing a book or 20, running an animal shelter, curing cancer just to name a few.
Since the inner ambitions of the12 year old in me did not get her way, and there are no gold awards on my shelf, no published titles to my credit, and unfortunately science has not cured cancer YET. I am left to my life as it is.
As I stated I am happy,I am good at, and like my job, and feel for the most part satisfied on some suburban level. But when allowed to drift back to that fantasy filled place when anything was possible, and money didn’t matter I am reminded of all the passions that I had for career.
Don’t get me wrong, to be a mom was always first on my list, I just had no idea that doing both in your early 20’s was next to impossible. I of course have chosen family and so my career kind of chose me. Born of convenience, flexibility, my own talents, and a serious need to pay the mortgage I have found myself a niche that helps meet our needs, while allowing my family to be number one.
This however does not leave alot of time for acquiring the schooling to cure cancer,or write the next great novel, there probably will not be hundreds of animals rehabilitated on my time, or even class’s full of children changed by my revolutionary teaching abilities. I do know that I was created uniquely for my family and the life I have, and that I am far from done reaching any of my goals for myself either personally or professionally.
But for know I can only dream, not regretfully but more of a knowing that those windows have closed, and I am sneaking into a my thirties with a little more knowledge about reality than before. Sort of an ok so that didn’t work out but look at all the time I have left to do something really great! I really think this kind of awareness for me only came after some time spent in the real world with my big girl panties firmly in place going though the trials of life in the not so fab lane and being a mom for a good bit of time.
Of course I had to do it my way, and take the long way around but to my credit I have decided that I may not be anyware close to where I thought I wanted to be. The good news is there are no false illusions, and I am on my way to where I am suppose to be.
So to the twelve year olds I say dream extremely big it may just happen……even if I told you the truth you would just roll your eyes at me because I drive a mini van anyway.
To the far from twelve year olds that are closer to where I am at here in crazy town…..Next time you see me in my mini van at school, just smile & wave we both thought we would be driving vets right now on the way to our next book signing!0